“Where is the master going?”

“I don’t know,” The master said. “Just out of here, just out of here. Out of here, nothing else. It’s the only way I can meet my goal.”

“So, you know your goal?” He asked.

“Yes,” The master replied. “I’ve just told you. Out of here -- that’s my goal.”

Kafka said that, and sometimes I feel that all of us, myself and all the other agencies, are on that merry-go-round. Spin and stop, stop and spin, up and down and around we go. Spinning our wheels, meeting aimlessly and endlessly. And our goals keep spinning too, in front of us -- ephemeral and equally change-challenged. So, in fact, when we do not meet closure, when we do not define a problem, pick a solution, stick to it and act on it, we can always say, “Everyone changed. Everything changed. We’re going in a new direction now.” And so, we continue on an endless spiral of indecisive actions, while the children slowly wither and wilt or get tired of waiting for definitive solutions and move on equally aimlessly to fix their problems in any way they can. Sometimes by simply giving up and reaching that goal of getting out of here by the supremely final action of self-death.

At which point, more meetings spring up. How many meetings on suicide can one attend if there are no consequential thoughts and honest immediate actions?

The play “For Colored Girls” etc., which everyone thought was an absolutely marvelous idea, had three meetings and then was scrapped and the leftover participants set off in a new direction.

I find people are looking to children for answers. “Let them write their own version; let them tell their own stories. We can all learn from that.”

Excuse me? We are the elders, we are supposed to be the points of light and wisdom. If these children knew the answers, they wouldn’t be dead or on the streets. They need and want guidance. They need to know that not only are there other people willing to listen, but people who can offer guidance and direction. They need to know that there are options That wisdom from other times and places has endured because what it offers is universal and could be life-changing. They need to know about other people from other places facing life and its long journey, and chose not (I repeat NOT) to listen to the noontime demons whispering in their ears. They simply need to know that the world is a big place and just because they’re teens in crisis, it’s possible that someone who has lived longer may have better insight and wisdom. Those children have suffered from poor choices, and have been stumbling around for a long, long time. It’s time for us, as adults, to arise and say, “Come with me, we will talk together and I, as the more seasoned one, will help you with your burden. I may have some comfort, my back is strong and I am willing. I will listen and teach and guide. I will not desert you. I am here now!”

There’s that old saying, “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” Sooo you might as well find a psalm and sing anyway.

Lately, I find some real hurtful issues arising that I felt were long since abandoned and buried somewhere. I guess not; they had been carefully wrapped in tissue paper waiting for the time to magically spring forward.

Here’s my favorite. “She needs to get her white face out of here and leave our black children alone.” Obviously, I was the object of that tasty morsel. And, of course, the courier of that tale could simply not tell me who said it nor did she feel inclined to take my part. This truly debilitated me. “QUEST takes kids that other agencies turn away, always have, always will. Children need to live in a complete world where people of all shapes, colors, sizes and faiths exist. No matter how you say it, black against black, white against black, black against white. Anybody against anybody, this is racism, this teaches hatred. This hurts. It hurts big time. I feel as if I, too, in a small way, am a victim of bullying, and I am diminished by it.

Meanwhile, there are so many iffy situations in this city. Police, school boards, low-performing schools. Let me tell you a story. I have a sweet and gentle little girl who comes to QUEST. Like many of my children, she is behind a few years in school. She is 12 about to be 13 and in the fifth grade. If you do the simple math, you realize she should be in the seventh grade. Her two friends who are in the same age bracket are also in fifth grade. And all of them are seriously struggling in their classes. This child tells me she wants to be a veterinarian; because she really, really loves animals. I tell her that grades are a priority, especially math and science. She tells me she’s troubled by math. I respond with “get some help at school or bring it to QUEST; we have some kids who are seriously talented in math.” We work at it, she brings me her first math paper, on which she gets a B+. We rejoice, we go on and then — I get a glimpse of her English work. The child is basically illiterate. She’s at the level of Beverly Cleary Books (with which she is still sounding out words) and language, spelling and writing skills are about at a third grade level. Yet, she is smart enough to be on the school debating team. What has happened to this little girl’s education? Or better yet, what is going to happen to this little girl’s education and, vis a vis, her life? How long before she drops out because she is uncomfortable being in a class with children many years her junior?

I have heard rumors whispered in the back of my car that everyone is going to pass this year. That all the elementary schools have an agreement that no one will fail. I ponder this: good or bad idea? Good to pass only if they got the help and tutoring they need to catch up. Bad idea if they get closed out of life by being placed arbitrarily in special ed. This happens more often than you imagine. I have a third grade boy smart as a whip who is simply failing everything. His parents cannot help. They simply can’t. Dad’s in jail, where he counsels, “Keep him home ‘til his grades improve.” Mom (who works) is not herself for whatever reason able to really sit down and dig in with him. As for TQ, locking him in a room until he finishes his school work is actually laughable. The child quite simply does not know how to begin. I tutored him one day on factors, and I found out he doesn’t know his basic times tables. He can’t move on because in order to do factors, you must multiply. We worked it out using pennies as a guide, but how can his teacher not know what his student doesn’t know? TQ is perfectly willing to sit down and try but without help, he is simply frustrating himself. This is a fourth- grade child getting ready to move on to the fifth grade. How is this possible? None of these children are stupid; they just don’t have the resources some other children have. They need the help in their schools that they are not or cannot receive at home. Do we intend to let a whole generation of bright young children fail? Come on now, say something — do something. Let’s be a community here.

“It is not only government that doesn’t show up when it is starved of resources and leached of all its meaning. Community doesn’t show up either, sacrifice doesn’t show up, pulling together doesn’t show up, ‘we’re all in this together’ doesn’t show up.”

— Janadas Devan of the Straits Times in Singapore