NFL Picks, Week 1
Every year I participate in a Pigskin Pick ’em group organized by an obnoxious friend of mine from high school who spends his Sundays doing nothing but watching NFL football. I spend very little time watching football, and yet I continue to dream of beating him. And so every week I dutifully make my picks.
OK, so it’s the first week of the NFL season and I have not watched a single second of the preseason, because preseason games are lame and pointless. All I know is that the Patriots just cut Tim Tebow and until very recently had an alleged murderer on their payroll. In related news, this might be the year I stop picking the Patriots to win every single game. Anyway, I am hopping on a plane for Seattle tomorrow and I have a million things to do, so I am making these picks on the fly. Here we go. As always, the winning team is in caps.
Baltimore at DENVER — I know the Ravens just won the Super Bowl, but they are playing Peyton Manning, who will be awesome until he falls apart in week 11.
Atlanta at NEW ORLEANS — I’m basing this decision purely on home field advantage and the fact that I like the Saints. I have some distant memory of the Falcons being kind of good last season, but I’m going to ignore it for the time being.
NEW ENGLAND at Buffalo — Despite my misgivings about picking the Pats to win every game this year, I have no reservations about picking them to beat the Bills. Didn’t the Bills just try out Matt Leinart at QB and cut him? They are not a team that is going to win many games.
Cincinnati at CHICAGO — I really like the Bengals’ red-haired quarterback, but I don’t like him enough to pick him against the Bears.
Miami at CLEVELAND — I see that the Dolphins are favored to win this game, but I don’t really understand why.
Minnesota at DETROIT — I couldn’t quite remember who plays quarterback for these teams, and then it came to me: Christian Ponder and Matt Stafford! I don’t have a lot of confidence in either of those guys, but I think Matt Stafford is going to have a pretty good season, and that Christian Ponder is going to have a slightly less good season, and that’s what I’m basing this prediction on.
Tennessee at PITTSBURGH — I can’t think of a single reason to pick the Titans, so Pittsburgh it is, since the Steelers are probably due for a rebound year.
Oakland at INDIANAPOLIS — I’m actually pretty interested in the Colts — I’m eager to see how Andrew Luck does in his sophomore outing. And he should fare pretty well against a perennially bad Raiders team.
KANSAS CITY at Jacksonville — OK, so I just did a little research and discovered that Alex Smith is now the Chiefs’ starting quarterback. Based on this information, I am picking them to beat the Jaguars, because they are starting some dude named Blaine Gabbert at QB.
TAMPA BAY at New York Jets — I don’t know anything about Tampa Bay, but I do know a few things about the Jets. They don’t have a quarterback, and their team is in disarray. Maybe Tim Tebow can help?
Seattle at CAROLINA — I’m going with the upset here. I’m thinking Cam Newton and the Panthers can rebound a bit from last year’s lackluster performance. Also it’s week 1 and they’re at home. Why not pick them?
Green Bay at SAN FRANCISCO — This should be a pretty good match-up between two playoff teams. I’m picking the team that lost the Super Bowl.
Arizona at ST. LOUIS — Aren’t these teams both kind of lame? I’m going with the Rams, because they seem slightly less lame.
NEW YORK GIANTS at Dallas — Two teams that can’t be trusted. If I pick the Cowboys, the Giants will win. And if I pick the Giants, the Cowboys will win. But I’ve got to pick someone, so here you go.
Philadelphia at WASHINGTON — This should be interesting. I’m eager to see how the amazing Robert Griffin III rebounds from last year’s terrible injury. My prediction: He’ll be pretty impressive.
HOUSTON at San Diego — The Texans are good at beating lousy teams, and the Chargers are a lousy team.
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