Let me ask you somethin’ …
• Any chance that District Attorney David Soares will publish, for all to see, a complete list of all the crimes, violations, etc. that his office will refuse to prosecute?
• Will someone do me a favor and smash me over the head with a heavy Rolodex if ever I even consider hiring the attorney who allowed Jerry Sandusky to go on network television and all but admit his guilt?
• Is it demeaning to nitwits to describe Ashton Kutcher as one (“They what, they fired Joe Pa just for losing that one game? Disgusting, how do they fire him for just one loss? That’s nuts! Wait a minute, that’s not the reason? He what? Forget everything I said. My bad!”)?
• You can tell me the truth, are these guys sittin’ on my fastball?
• What happens when Troy’s new, squeaky clean mayor, Lou Rosamilia, starts getting those phone calls and visits from all the Democratic hacks who helped get him elected?
• Will Letterman have to shorten his monologue by 20% now that Regis is gone?
• Who took longer to answer the question: Herman Cain on Libya, or Jerry Sandusky when asked if he is a pedophile?
• Should I be surprised, in the Schenectady mayor’s race, that this French-cuffed, former education egghead did so well against a professional pol, who’s been living, breathing and eating (chicken dinner) politics forever?
• You’re gonna do what, vote for Obama and deny us all this rollicking good fun with the crop of Republican candidates, really?
• Now that Paula’s been reelected, any chance whatsoever that we will find out, once and for all, whether that landfill deal was just garbage or not?
• Any chance that Kim K. might share the wedding presents (toasters, electric blankets, etc.) with her ex-husband-to-be, now that he’s collecting unemployment?
• Does Rick Perry ingest stuff before public appearances or is it possible that Herm Cain and Michele Bachmann are conning him into sticking around just to deflect closer scrutiny of themselves?
• Am I a stupido or what, thinking that Jerry Sandusky might be guilty only to have him explain that he was just “horsing around” with those naked, young boys (and, tell me, what middle-aged guy has not snapped towels with kids in the buff after a rough day on the gridiron)?
• How many curfew violations at Lafayette Park d’ya think we would have if Gov. Cuomo would only switch the curfew hour from 11 p.m. to 3 a.m. (think about that one)?
• Have you ever watched one of those NFL pre-game shows where they did NOT waste time with those stupid arguments on who is, and who is not, an “elite” quarterback?
• And who would have believed a year ago, that the little set-to in the Parks —Academy and Lafayette — would see the governor feinting to the right, while the mayor is juking to the left?
• In broadcasting last weekend’s Penn State-Nebraska game, did the announcers sound sincere or did it sound like it was being read right off a cue card, that frequent interjection “of course, our foremost concern is with the victims first” (yeah, and “coming up tonight on Saturday Night Live …”)?
• And finally, am I wrong to feel that both the E-Trade baby and the Geico gekko have pretty much run the cuteness gamut (I concede that the parking lot explorer induces slight amusement) and should go the way of the Where’s the Beef Lady?