SANTA FE STREET, SCHENECTADY — MORNING
City officials gather for a press conference on zombie properties in Schenectady. Little do they know, that will not be the only zombie they encounter.
Suddenly a small fury creature, menacing more than cute, darts into view and starts attacking the startled crowd.
See video of “zombie squirrel” at press conference
Nervous laughter gives way to people fleeing. (Note: Since no one actually screamed in terror, add sound effects post-production)
Confusion reigns as people run in all directions trying desperately to avoid the creature’s claws of death.
MADELYN THORNE, a former Democratic state Senate candidate, holds down her black floor-length skirt as the creature sets eyes on its prey — her legs.
It’s attacking my leg! Shoot it!
MARK MCCRACKEN, police lieutenant, nominal would-be hero of film, darts from the side of Police Chief Brian Kilcullen to try to save her.
Don’t worry; I’ll save you!
McCracken moves forward, chaos continues. Kilcullen, Fire Chief Ray Senecal and Assistant Chief Mike Gillespie stand on the sidelines.
Grizzled reporters scurry to catch commotion on video, or simply run away.
The frenzied creature leaves Thorne to continue its fight for blood as officials talk amongst themselves.
SAME LOCATION — POST-PRESS CONFERENCE
People leave the street to avoid the creature’s wrath. Officials get in their cars and drive to safety.
The creature disappears.
No lives are lost. No blood is shed.
Zombie squirrel is still loose in the city. Last seen: zombie property, 1575 Santa Fe St.