Uninspired ‘Vacation’ remake a pointless journey

Skyler Gisondo, from left, as James Griswold, Steele Stebbins as Kevin Griswold, Christina Applegate as Debbie Griswold, and Ed Helms as Rusty Griswold, in a scene from New Line Cinema's comedy "Vacation," a Warner Bros. Pictures' release. (Hopper Ston...

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If there were a 10th circle in Dante’s vision of Hell it would be reserved for movies like “Vacation.”

Not only does the film feature a script that has less life than roadkill, a pacing that makes Los Angeles traffic look like the Indy 500 and as much humor as the mass funeral of orphans, nuns and kittens, it smears the good name of the 1983 Chevy Chase comedy, “National Lampoon’s Vacation.”

If “Vacation” were a road trip, the most humane thing would be to slam into the first giant tree and end the agony. The disaster starts with the casting of Ed Helms as Rusty Griswold. There’s nothing particularly wrong with Helms or his performance, it’s just that he offers all the excitement of a glass of room-temperature water.

‘Vacation’

DIRECTED BY: Jonathan M. Goldstein and John Francis Daley

STARRING: Ed Helms, Christina Applegate, Chris Hemsworth and Skyler Gisondo

RATED: R GRADE: D-

RUNNING TIME: 99 minutes

He’s never comes close to being that everyman Sad Sack that Chase played so well. So, when the trip across country to Wally World begins to fall apart we have no sympathy for the character. He just comes across as an idiot who doesn’t know when to give up.

Any actor would have faced the same problem that sent Helms into a spiral: Writer-directors Jonathan M. Goldstein and John Francis Daley show no originality in their writing. The filmmakers turn to jokes about pedophilia, binge drinking, adultery, drug abuse, attempted murder, racism, animal abuse and rape. One of the first big jokes has to do with someone having AIDS.

There’s even a running joke about a younger brother trying to kill his older brother by pulling a plastic bag over his head. It’s the kind of scene that should come with a warning — DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. That same 9-year-old psychopath is the source of another attempt at humor by having him spew profanity.

The only things that keep “Vacation” from being a total failure are a gutsy effort by Christina Applegate, as Rusty’s wife, and the use of the Lindsey Buckingham song “Holiday Road,” from the first movie.

When Applegate doesn’t look apologetic for being part of this stinker, she gives the film more credibility than it deserves. “Holiday Road” is just one of the greatest songs to be part of a movie soundtrack.

Otherwise, “Vacation” is an endless journey of foul jokes, uninspired humor and predictable material. This is a rare occasion where it’s possible to get carsick while sitting in a movie theater.