NEWS/FEATURES, Grades 10–12, 3rd Place
It starts with one word, one word you yell out at me without thinking it would hurt me. Fat, ugly, whore, stupid, worthless. Those are only some of the words I hear every day. I’m their biggest fear. They’re afraid of being around me, what is wrong with me?
I know what’s wrong with me. I’m sympathetic. I give way too many changes to people who are jerks toward me, I sting like a bee. Without me seeing it coming they hurt me like it’s part of the Instagram aesthetic.
Day by day, they torment me. It takes so long for my heart to mend from these moments. All I want is one true friend to be there for me, and not throw me away like debris. But all I get is fake people who make me want to ed it, they make me feel broken.
Every day I wake up not wanting to go to school so I don’t have to face them. if I don’t go to school, they win. I don’t want them to win, I want to give them an upper-cut. It’s not physically fighting people that hurts. I’m physically and mentally numb. It’s the emotional fighting that hurts, the comments that hurt me more to the gut.
I pretend I’m OK when in reality I hide it to make them happy. they start to think they’re not getting to me. But they have, even though I’m brave. Those comments start to sting my skin like a bee.
this is when enough is enough. I’m sick of pretending, putting on a fake smile. But I know I can make it through, I’m tough. Maybe they should go on trial.
I push through. I ignore their comments even though I still hear them, and I saw that wink. Bullying gave you attention, that’s all you ever wanted because that’s what you’re use too. But stop and think…
Why don’t you think of what if could’ve been? What if I did try to kill myself? What if I did put a rope around my neck like a necklace? Would that have made me a “queen?” What if I did make contact with my razor? Would you be proud of yourself?
What if I did fight you as you wanted? What if I told someone all of those nasty secrets you told me to keep? What if I reported you to the cops? Then you would’ve been haunted. You did it for fun, but you don’t know what could have happened, I could’ve been buried deep. You think I’m the loser when in reality I’m stronger than you would ever be.
Your words just left me shattered on the inside. Just remember words hurt more than punches.
See all the winning entries from the 2019 Student Gazette here.
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