By Annie Lane
Burdened by Boundaries
Dear Annie: My son is 53 years old — a good person but an alcoholic. He followed me to Florida 10 years ago. I spent thousands of dollars to get him on his feet. I ended up broke trying to help him. He had gotten fired from three jobs.
I kicked him out five years ago. He managed to get his own place and survive but was then fired again, within three weeks of starting. He has been in and out of rehab and the hospital frequently. My question is, am I wrong to not let him move back in with me? I have told him that he cannot move back in and that I cannot afford to help him. I was not financially secure enough to have helped him in the first place.
There is a lot of guilt, but I know I did the right thing. Al-Anon helped. I will always worry about him, but enough already. — Guilty but Exhausted
Dear Guilty but Exhausted: You are not wrong. Boundaries are important, especially with someone who takes more than they give. It will do neither of you any good if you are BOTH broke and miserable.
Instead of helping him with money, help him by expressing your unconditional love and encouraging him to keep going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. It is encouraging to hear that you’ve found some solace through Al-Anon.
Dear Annie: Maybe this will help some of the many readers who have written in stricken with grief: “Grief never ends. But it changes. It’s a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love.” My spouse gave this quote to me when our cat Buddy died. He wasn’t a human, but we were crushed with pain and grief for months. — Coping
Dear Coping: What a beautiful perspective on the value of grief in all of our lives. Thank you.
Dear Annie: “Sad, Hurt and Frustrated” wrote about a friend who prefers that his birthday be ignored. “S, H & F” said, “I just want to show my appreciation.”
I suggest showing your appreciation on the first Sunday of August every year, which is National Friendship Day. Send a card telling your friend how glad you are that you’re friends, and specify a few of your friend’s qualities you appreciate the most. Keep it simple so it isn’t too much for your friend.
Perhaps a bit of recognition on a different day will be just the thing for each of you. — Finding a Middle Ground
Dear Finding a Middle Ground: This sounds like a lovely compromise. Celebrating National Friendship Day in such a manner allows the love that “Sad, Hurt and Frustrated” has for their friend to be expressed without the recipient feeling pressured or put on the spot.
Today’s Birthday: Thursday, April 14
Nancy Black, Tribune Content Agency
Connect with friends to grow this year. Fortune rewards consistent teamwork and collaboration. Conserve a springtime bounty and share to support with summertime family changes. Shared accounts get an extra boost next autumn, providing extra winter resources. Unite for common cause, gain and passion.
To get the advantage, check the day’s rating: 10 is the easiest day, 0 the most challenging.
Aries (March 21-April 19) — Today is a 7 — Clean old messes. Savor peaceful privacy, with Mars in Pisces for two months. Organize and prepare for what’s ahead. Tap into inspiration, passion and spiritual connection.
Taurus (April 20-May 20) — Today is an 8 — Together, anything’s possible. Collaborate with teams, groups and friends over the next two months, with Mars in Pisces. Push for a shared dream.
Gemini (May 21-June 20) — Today is a 9 — Move forward boldly. Advance professionally, with Mars in Pisces for a few months. Pour energy into your career. Push past old barriers for rising status.
Cancer (June 21-July 22) — Today is an 8 — Open yourself to new views. Explore and learn something new over the next two months, with Mars in Pisces. Your wanderlust is getting severe.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) — Today is an 8 — Energize profitable plans with your partner over two months, with Mars in Pisces. Lucrative opportunities reward your collaboration. Budget shared finances for growth.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) — Today is a 9 — Romance heats up over the next few months. Partnership surges forward, with Mars in Pisces. Collaboration provides fun, ease and rewards. Connect and share.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) — Today is a 9 — Energize your workout. Physical action gets results, with Mars in Pisces. The next two months get especially productive. Provide excellence. Your work is earning respect.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) — Today is an 8 — Love, romance and creativity flower over the next two months, with Mars in Pisces. Get playful and have fun. Express your passion. Energize your game.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) — Today is an 8 — Prioritize home and family. Pour energy into domestic improvement, with Mars in Pisces for two months. Repair and renovate. Nurture and decorate. Apply physical action.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) — Today is a 9 — Communication and transportation flow with greater ease, with Mars in Pisces. Research, write and brainstorm. Share information, data and resources. Energize a conversation.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) — Today is a 9 — Grow your income, with Mars in Pisces. Energize profitable pursuits. Avoid reckless spending and stick to basics for two months. Self-esteem rises with your accounts.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) — Today is a 9 — Begin a two-month superpower phase, with Mars in your sign. Focus on personal development. Restore integrity where missing. Take charge to realize a dream.
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