Today is the state Republican primary for president, and if you’re a Republican you should do your patriotic duty and vote.
The candidates are Mitt Romney, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul, and the astute observer will notice that not one of them goes by his legitimate given name.
Mitt Romney is really Willard Mitt Romney.
Rick Santorum is really Richard J. Santorum.
Newt Gingrich is really Leroy Newton Gingrich.
Ron Paul is really Ronald E. Paul.
The business of insisting on diminutives or nicknames, or in Romney’s case a middle name, I believe was begun by James Earl Carter, who insisted on Jimmy, and was continued by William Jefferson Clinton, who insisted on Bill.
It’s as if Abraham Lincoln demanded to be known as Abe, and Franklin Delano Roosevelt as Frankie.
As for how you know if you’re a Republican, conduct a self-examination.
If you admire Ronald Reagan and Sheriff Joe Arpaio, you probably qualify. If in addition you hate Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi you almost certainly qualify.
It will also help if you love guns and the flag and hate taxes and illegal immigrants.
If it were up to me I would give tests at the polling places to make sure no imposter casts a ballot, but alas, it’s not up to me.
Ninety-two of the state’s 95 Republican convention delegates are to be apportioned in today’s voting — two from each of the state’s 29 congressional districts, based on voting in those districts, plus 34 based on statewide voting. If any candidate gets a majority of the statewide votes, that candidate will get all 34 delegates. Otherwise those delegates will be assigned proportionately, but only to candidates who receive 20 percent or more of the vote.
Any candidate who receives less than the square root of the
number of votes received by the winner will have to forfeit three-sixteenths of his congressional district votes to the second-place finisher, or whichever is greater, in order to qualify for the remaining three delegates.
No, wait a minute, that last part is screwed up. I was going good, but then I lost it. Never mind, we all know the result anyway.
SHRINE ON ITS OWN
A reverent bow to the Auriesville Shrine for turning down a $750 grant from Montgomery County to put on a religious celebration.
After a couple of complaints, one from a local taxpayer and one from the national Americans United for Separation of Church and State, the Catholic shrine took the lead and left the county Board of Supervisors waving its check.
The shrine actually applied for $2,500 as part of a program to promote tourism, having in mind that a planned celebration of the canonization of Kateri Tekakwitha on Oct. 21 is expected to draw many visitors to the area. The county board approved the smaller amount.
Then came the complaints, to which the county responded with disdain, though it did modify the terms of the grant so it could be used only for secular purposes. I’m not sure how that would have worked. You can use the money for parking but not for hymnals?
Anyway, good for the shrine. Let the faithful pay for the promotion of their faith. Don’t put it on the general public, no matter how modest the amount.
“To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves is sinful and tyrannical,” quoth Thomas Jefferson, to which I say Amen.